good day...

ROFL! can you actually believe it i slept at like 1 am then got up at 3.30 then when back to sleep at 4 and got up at 5 and could not sleep that i sat down and meditated.. Which is so not me... i mean me and meditating like seas apart but i really did not know what to do at 5 am in the morning and insomnia is really killing me, i am like having problem sleeping and even if i do sleep i wake up like a zillion times in between.. no wonder i am cranky... rofl...

anyway so yeah today day been rather a good day for me.. i had fun at work, actually people i work with are bunch of funny people.. and i like the fact that they are accepting me for who i am ... but of course to just irritate me arfan loves to call me beautiful instead of handsome just to make me go berserk.. rofl.. but all is well all that said.. the thing we do.. tickles me till now! They are bunch of supportive people especially when it come to sales, they hear you out when your in pain. Help me when i need to be brought back to earth.. well i guess i am liking me working mates already :D

buven 2011

yes i am gay? you have a problem with it?

Ok yeah finally writing about the real me , yes i am gay and i am proud of it and if your to blind to see it i ain't can't help you with it! But you know being gay is ain't that easy especially here in this country. People look at you as if you have some kind of rabies.. hello people we are still human, we still function exactly just like you we walk , talk eat, sleep just like any human its just that our sexual preferences are different.

  Just because we love the same kind that does not mean we cant be friends.. cos i have good "straight" friends and they treat me all the same even though they know i am gay and yes they are close to me and yes they stand close to me and not shun me.. so yeah i think people out there should learn and start treating gay people with much love and respect!

 And there is ain't nothing with same sex relationship its the same .. all the same.. all u need is trust love and understanding.. basic function of an relationship :) :)


buven 2011

whats the issue ?

So yeah i skip a few days of blogging, been up tight with stuff.. Anyway, i am so lost on thought that i barely remember what i did last 5 mins ago.. am i growing old or am i just ignoring the world around me.. which could it be.. Well they did not simply say as you age problem increases especially when your force to take commitment that you actually don't have to..

  I mean being the youngest and the easiest to attack that does not give all the rights to point finger at me especially when i keep quiet all the time not retaliating back to all their wimp and fancies. I keep away try to please all but most of the time i end up getting myself hurt.

   Each day i wake up hoping my day would be a better one.. But it seems everything that i do is aint sufficient and everything i care for most of the time... hurt me...oh well i am going speechless of this matter until i have thought of ending it all for once and for all, maybe when i am gone for good people would realize what they actually have done that maybe in future someone else would be spared such treatment!

Buven 2011.

fucking sick!

so yeah hell yeah been sick for fucking gonna be 3 weeks, all the med i took not helping me at all so what he fuck is actually wrong with me? Why oh my is my tummy burning like hell that if it does not stop burning it might start smoking up!
        Seriously wtf is so fucking wrong with ma stomach! i thought i was clear of all this.. wanna say i been drinking alot nope been ages since i met mr liqour or beer.. then what is the problem with my stomachhhhhh!! grrrrr seriously pissing me of!! grrrrr rrrrrr rrrrr...

nervous breakdowns

Okay let's see so what the deal about nervous breakdowns...seriously it's nothing when you get it once in a blue moon, but when. You start getting it every other day in a life span of 2 weeks plus and about 3 breakdowns in a day it is freaky... So what is actually causing this breakdowns...hmmmmm , see this is the problem I have no idea what.. I jut can't seem to understand what is actually bothering me...but what ever it is, it's causing me to loose my sleep .. I get up all of a sudden wee hours in the morning...fearing something not knowing what.. When I sit I start shivering or deja vu's start flocking in.. Seriously what the fuck is wrong with me? Argghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Buven 2011

Back again

    Been almost a year since i have blog but this time i finally think i should or else i will kill myself each day not being able to talk to anyone! I am beginning to blog again to tell the world how hard it was for me to come out for who i really am and the journey i face and the people i meet over the journey!  

  For all to know 2010 has been a rather bad year for me there were so many downs that i could actually count my up which was none! 2010 has been the worse year i could have ever encountered in my whole entire life, all i could remember of 2010 is sadness, hatred, anger, giving up hope, despair, heartache and all that you can think of. 2010 taught me who were my true friends, who were really there for me, how i am taken for granted most of the time, how just because i keep quiet people think i am stupid. 

  Well all this has taught me to be stronger but yet at times i cant help but fail to get hurt with a lot of things where at times i hope each time i close my eyes the problem disappear but nope it never will, if only it was that easy. I would have had a better life if it was so :).

Anyway after this all my post to come would be personal and how life has changed over the years. I am basically going to right about my past present and maybe the future! so till then chiozzz

    

Frustration!!!

I has been a really hell of a week...just lost two most important people in my life due to certain irresponsible parties...Life has not been tough since then and i dearly miss them both.. I dont even know how they are both take care of ..have they eaten. have they slept well, are they traumetized it is killing me deeply to think of this...I miss them dearly. Is there really a god i question.. and if there why does this have to happen...Mishaps after mishaps..Give me an answer to my question do you really exist or do you exist only for people who are literary mean and heartless.. how could you punish people who have prayed to you all your life even when you took their child away they had hope on you and now you take away more from there.. i seriously think your just an Iilusion to those who want to believe as you never showed mercy to any one of us except to give us misery by misery....Proof to me i am wrong and i would re change my post till then i dont think you exist....